Late-Night Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's top entertainers used the broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic Christmas song directed at the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins everything he handles."

The subject was the new plan that enables international nationals to purchase U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" option for 5 million. An official page pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note here to affluent applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The best vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval numbers amid economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted oddly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative media defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.